Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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