I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
