He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
