apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
