if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
