Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
youre lurking in front of me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
