you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
