so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
