I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just high enough for therapy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
