I just made out with a guy for $7.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
