Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
