...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
