for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
