I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
