I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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