I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
