I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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