You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
