Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
