then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
