What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
