it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
