I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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