I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
