I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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