GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
