i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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