Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
