...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
