While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ok first of all what the fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize