***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
