I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
