Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
