dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I'm really busy with my period
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