Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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