So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
