Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think people are normalizing furries
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
