Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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