lets start a swedish sibling band together
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
