Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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