I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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