Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
