I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry my hands just texted you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
