I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
