its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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