I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
