LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
