R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
