wakey wakey hands off snakey
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
