Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize