He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
