called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
