I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize