Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
