I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Couch. On fire.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
