is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
