Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
