So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
