I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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