Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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