i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
