Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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