He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
