Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
