whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
