I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
