I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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