i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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