We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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